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When I Was 17…..

Posted by :Peauxetic Expressions On : May 3, 2013
4

Category: Foresight Friday

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Control

“When I was 17….I did what people told me”. You may not remember the song (chances are you do though), but you probably know who sang this famous line about 15 years ago….Janet Jackson. By now, I’m sure those that have followed my blog know that I like to relate a lot of things to music. Ironically, “Control” turned out to be one of her biggest hits right around the same time she did just that with her music career. There are times when control is a good thing….determining a direction for your life, showing assertiveness on a group project for school or work and having self-control to resist certain things. But what is so special about control, that we often think it’s something we can’t let go of? Here are a few reasons why control can turn disastrous….if we let it.

  • We Don’t Want To Look Weak- I think this one applies to men more than women. Somewhere along the way I think some guys (or people) in general confused confidence and a strong personality for control. I’ve heard some women say that an overly jealous man is him showing that he loves you (these crickets are chirping so loudly behind me). No. That just means he’s overly jealous. There’s a difference.
  • Fear of the Unknown- I’ll put myself out there on this one. This is definitely one I’ m guilty of at times. Why is it that we think that knowing our next move in life means that we can control it? Definitely not the case. No matter how much we know, there’s even more that we don’t know. Sometimes we just have to embrace the unknown and move on.
  • Our Way or No Way- Sometimes we control the situation just because we hate to compromise. Remember the see- saws you used to play on when you were a kid? That’s kinda how life is. No one will always be up. No one will always be down. There’s a give and take that we all must submit to at some point in our lives. And as much as we desire for things to be evenly balanced at all times, it doesn’t always work out that way.
  • That’s All We’re Used To- Some of us are controlling just because we grew up with manipulative or controlling parents, were stuck in an abusive (and controlling) relationship or feel subservient to others in some form or fashion. So in a life that seems like there’s no control over anything, some of us tend to control what we think we can.

Is there something we’re holding on to so desperately that we really should let go of? Are we scared of the unknown and as a result only placing ourselves in situations where we can create the outcome. Am I saying throw all of your control to the wind and just live with no boundaries or expectations? NO!!! But at some point too much control becomes a little poisonous, don’t you think? There’s only one person who’s really in control and that’s God. Why try to do his job for Him?

Call Me Two Faced

Posted by :Peauxetic Expressions On : January 18, 2013
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Category: Foresight Friday

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Two-faced head fire and ice statue

Two Faced.  This term is mostly used in a negative fashion. A person who is “two-faced” is generally described as back biting, insincere, saying one thing and doing another or just a flat-out liar. You may have heard talk about these kinds of people in conversation, on reality TV or from your own personal experiences. So why would anyone want to ever be two-faced? If the definition of this term holds such a negative connotation, you would think that we would all run from it. Well, would you be even more surprised if I told you I am two-faced? Yes, the very thing that people snare their noses up at, I am. Some of you may be scratching your head now and thinking, “He’s not to be trusted”. Trust is sometimes relative to personal experiences so if that’s your opinion, I’ll take that. But here’s a few reasons why I’m two-faced…

First, let’s take a look at the definition again. It basically means acting like something you’re not based on the persona you’ve shown the world. But wait, isn’t that all based on perception? Many people take me to be a friendly, nice guy who never lets anyone or anything get under his skin. But the minute I do get angry or upset, it’s the end of the world. And by definition…I’m what? Two faced.  Yes, I have displayed a cool, calm demeanor and when I don’t act accordingly to people’s standards, I’m labeled as two-faced. Or what about my taste in music? I can listen to T.I., Ludacris, but also P!nk and Red Hot Chili Peppers too. Does it make me two-faced that I can relate to people in different ways based on shared experiences and interests? If so, then call me two-faced. I’m guilty as charged. …

True, no one wants to be called two-faced in a negative sense. No one would take pride in being called a liar or deceitful. But in those cases, it usually boils down to the person on the receiving end feeling like the “two-faced” offender has hoodwinked them. Could it just be we don’t always know people as well as we think we do? Could we have jumped to conclusions that were only backed by emotion and not pure facts? And here’s my favorite….if we accuse those who are two-faced of the same things we do ourselves, then doesn’t that technically mean we’ve connected with a kindred spirit? Lol….just a thought. If part of being two-faced means diverse tastes, abilities, experiences and friends, is it really that bad?

What do you think about the term two-faced? Has anyone ever referred to you as such? What do you believe makes a person two-faced?

Two Faces

Pull Back Therapy

Posted by :Peauxetic Expressions On : June 29, 2012
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Category: Uncategorized

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It’s funny how we learn the best life lessons through some of our greatest hurts. Recently I’ve been experiencing some severe back pain (largely due to injuring myself playing drums in the marching band in high school). I used to think people who complained about back pain were being over-dramatic…until it happened to me.  Long story short, I’ve been going to a chiropractor off on for about a year. My back never bothered me that much until the last 3 years or so. So far, the best remedy for my pain and healing has been getting a decompression. It hurts a little bit, but feels cool at the same time. You lay face down on the table and get strapped into all of these pads that wrap around your midsection and lower back. The pads are attached to cables that are hooked to a machine that pulls and stretches your back. The machine pulls your lower back towards your feet. Little did I know how this simple machine would tie in to everyday life.

Just like that decompression machine, we have to find a way to plug into something that unwinds us. Life can wind you up so tightly that it begins to manifest itself in your body, your appearance and even your attitude. Maybe it’s a stressful job that keeps you on edge. Maybe it’s harboring built up resentment towards someone who doesn’t even know you’re mad at them. Or maybe it’s pulling away from a person who’s really not in your corner. The thing about decompression (or pulling back), is the more you try to hold on, the greater your chance is for pain . The scary part is often times we don’t realize the effect that stress, anger, volatile relationships, and hot tempers have on us….until it’s far too late.

Sometimes you just have to pull back from obligations, people and more importantly, even yourself. Why do I mention pulling yourself back? It’s simple. No one will ever be more critical of you than yourself. But we often are selective in how we place that criticism. The average person can become their own worst critic when it comes to their physical appearance and over commitment levels. But how many of us are able to be self-reflective enough to pull back in an unhealthy relationship? Or maybe pulling back from addictions that ruin our lives? We want to throw pity parties and invite everyone over to tell them how we’ve been mistreated. But, in reality, we’ve done ourselves wrong by carrying pain that was never meant for us to bear. The more you allow situations and people to wind you up, the more uptight you become, the more pain you experience and the cycle goes on and on.

So what do you need to pull back from? I know for me, I’m working on pulling back from my stubbornness. Although it has kept me out of danger in some instances, it has also hindered me. Take my back for instance. If I had done a little “pull back therapy” and gotten my ailments checked out by a doctor in high school, I may be in a better place now with my back issues. I have many things I’m working on, as I’m sure we all do. Let’s all commit to a little pull back therapy today. It’s the best form of preventative care there is.

The Power Of The “F” Word….

Posted by :Peauxetic Expressions On : April 27, 2012
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Category: Uncategorized

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I’ve hated. Won. Lost. Been on the receiving and giving end of second chances. Held grudges. Cut people off. Caused myself physical harm. Misunderstood. Loved. Gotten into arguments. Yelled. Made a fool of myself. Sat back and laughed as others have made a fool of themselves trying to get a reaction out of me….all because of the F word….

Yep, I have done all of these things and more because of a simple word we all know….Forgiveness. We all know it’s right to forgive. It’s therapeutic to forgive. It’s beneficial to forgive. But is it ever easy to forgive? In some instances yes, but most times NO. When we’re in the heat of the moment of anger, hurt or pain, forgiveness is the last thing we think about. And sometimes, even if we do forgive quickly, we want to hold on to the anger just a little bit longer so we don’t look weak to the other person…SMH, lol. Sad to say, but it’s true. Think about the last time you got really angry at someone, and then think about how long it took for you to forgive them, or vice versa. Chances are, there was a time gap there that shouldn’t have been.

Last week, I posted a new poem I wrote called “Forgo Forgiveness”. I realized I was holding on to something that happened months ago and the feelings had resurfaced. I wanted to capture that raw emotion we feel when we become upset. This is the time when forgiveness is on the back burner and retaliation is at the forefront. At this point there’s almost no use in talking someone into a forgiving mindset, because they’re probably not thinking straight….and you’ll just end up getting hurt/upset in the process (sometimes it’s best to leave broken glass on the floor…). Who do you need to forgive today? What are you holding on to because you never got that apology you thought you deserved? Has everyone else forgiven you and you’re the only one left to forgive? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. Seek forgiveness, whatever the case may be….even if it’s from yourself. And if you don’t get the forgiveness or apology you desire? It’s not the end of the world….just live in the way you want to be treated. Living in a state of not forgiving primarily hurts you and not who you’re mad at.

Check out my poem, “Forgo Forgiveness”…..

I’m going to forgo forgiving you

It takes too much energy to smile and

Fake and laugh in your face

And take a deep breath…

When I really want to punch you

Like the poster child of

Every blood boiling moment

I’ve ever had rolled into one…fist

Make that two

When I think of you

I’m forgoing forgiving you

My stomach churns just to look at you

And the sweetest medicine  

Is watching you suffer

Oh don’t look at me and point your fingers

Many of you bathe in this same acid

The ph balance of your soul is off kilter

So when you cleanse your self

And make it out unscathed

Then come tell your truth

Until then I’ll forgo forgiving you too

Oblivious to the fact that you’ve moved on

While I’m still stuck here holding

On to jagged, crusty edges of memories

That only pierce my existence

Until I resemble a honey comb

Holy, but not full of praise

You are worthy and I am out of place

Out of touch with reality

And missing the clear picture

Forgiveness ain’t all about the listener

We must not forgo the element

That pertains to the speaker