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When I Was 17…..

Control

“When I was 17….I did what people told me”. You may not remember the song (chances are you do though), but you probably know who sang this famous line about 15 years ago….Janet Jackson. By now, I’m sure those that have followed my blog know that I like to relate a lot of things to music. Ironically, “Control” turned out to be one of her biggest hits right around the same time she did just that with her music career. There are times when control is a good thing….determining a direction for your life, showing assertiveness on a group project for school or work and having self-control to resist certain things. But what is so special about control, that we often think it’s something we can’t let go of? Here are a few reasons why control can turn disastrous….if we let it.

  • We Don’t Want To Look Weak- I think this one applies to men more than women. Somewhere along the way I think some guys (or people) in general confused confidence and a strong personality for control. I’ve heard some women say that an overly jealous man is him showing that he loves you (these crickets are chirping so loudly behind me). No. That just means he’s overly jealous. There’s a difference.
  • Fear of the Unknown- I’ll put myself out there on this one. This is definitely one I’ m guilty of at times. Why is it that we think that knowing our next move in life means that we can control it? Definitely not the case. No matter how much we know, there’s even more that we don’t know. Sometimes we just have to embrace the unknown and move on.
  • Our Way or No Way- Sometimes we control the situation just because we hate to compromise. Remember the see- saws you used to play on when you were a kid? That’s kinda how life is. No one will always be up. No one will always be down. There’s a give and take that we all must submit to at some point in our lives. And as much as we desire for things to be evenly balanced at all times, it doesn’t always work out that way.
  • That’s All We’re Used To- Some of us are controlling just because we grew up with manipulative or controlling parents, were stuck in an abusive (and controlling) relationship or feel subservient to others in some form or fashion. So in a life that seems like there’s no control over anything, some of us tend to control what we think we can.

Is there something we’re holding on to so desperately that we really should let go of? Are we scared of the unknown and as a result only placing ourselves in situations where we can create the outcome. Am I saying throw all of your control to the wind and just live with no boundaries or expectations? NO!!! But at some point too much control becomes a little poisonous, don’t you think? There’s only one person who’s really in control and that’s God. Why try to do his job for Him?

Locked Up (She Won’t Let Me Out)

Escape

What on earth would make someone try to escape out of a window of their own 8th story apartment? Well, let’s see…maybe somebody running from a burglar, their apartment being on fire, or maybe even sleep walking? Ok, the last one is a stretch. But what about trying to escape from an 8th story window to get away from your wife? WTH?!?!  This is exactly the case for one 35-year-old Estonian man. Yes, his wife is so controlling that she wouldn’t let him out of their apartment. As if the situation itself isn’t crazy enough, the husband actually agreed to staying locked up in him and his wife’s apartment. That is until he got tired of it and decided to escape.

The unnamed husband (I wouldn’t have revealed my name to the public either) of Wifey Dearest was so eager to break loose and hang out with his friends, that he figured he tie up a string of sheets to lower himself to the complex’s first floor. His plan actually worked….until he got to the 7th floor and the sheets could no longer hold him. The husband ended up falling 7 floors down to the ground. In this case, 7 is obviously not the sign of completion or perfection, but maybe it does symbolize protection. Luckily he fell to a cushiony pile of snow instead of the hard concrete.

There is so much wrong with this story I don’t even know where to start. First of all, why is the wife holding her husband hostage in their own home? And for no apparent reason. I bet she’s probably doing everything she wants while he stays tied down in the apartment. More importantly, why is a grown man subjecting himself to being stuck in the house from his wife???? Who does that? I guess he does. There’s way more to this story that somebody’s obviously not telling. Another thing I don’t understand is why “hanging out with his friends” was the reason he decided to risk his life from 8 stories up. Granted, everyone should be able to hang out with their friends, but it seems like he would have had a better reason than that. Even if it was just to get away from his wife, that would have been a better reason to me. Maybe him going to hang out was his chance to get away.

Do you think this man’s actions were justified? Or does he just need to man up and stand up to his wife?

husband-wife

Seasons Change….People Don’t

Seasons_Change

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

We’ve all heard this quote that actually is lifted from a poem by undisclosed author. Last weekend, I also got a chance to hear a speaker who talked about springing into your season. I don’t remember everything she said verbatim. But one thing in particular is that you have to not only know when it’s your season, but exactly what is in store for you during that season. We all love to say “it’s our season” and dismiss people in our lives that we thought were there for to stay for a lifetime. But somebody was able to get into our heads, and make us turn our backs on people who really meant us well. But we were big and bad and told them how they were only there for a season and served no reason for being in our lives. What a shame…

For instance, let’s say that you really want to start-up your own business and you want to be in a romantic relationship. You’re beginning to get tired of the corporate life and want to start calling your own shots. Months down the line, you find a great person to be in a relationship with, but your dreams haven’t kicked off at the same time. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you had to meet the right person who would be a great resource to help motivate and push you into your dreams? Just a thought. Or just maybe your season may be something you don’t desire to do right now. But it could be in preparation for the season you’re trying to get to. You can’t get to a season of financial independence by spending your check at the mall every time you get it. Then there are also those who want to balance multiple seasons at once…..love, finances, school, business endeavors and being the President of every organization known to man. Let’s slow down a bit. Although some people have the gift of juggling down to a science, it’s not for everyone. It’s ok if you have to step into your season one foot at a time.

We often like to place the blame on life circumstances and other people for not being in the season desire to be in. But have we ever stopped spinning aimlessly for just a second to realize that the seasons are steadily changing, with opportunities ready for us to grab? Could it be that as the seasons change, we are not willing to adapt to make the best of them? Are you ready for your season? If so, then ask yourself what changes you’ve made to prepare for it.

4 seasons

 

Would You Buy You?

Grocery cart loaded with fresh fruit and bread moving through the aisle.

We’ve all heard it before. Women say they want a man who’s tall, handsome, educated, financially stable and has good credit. Men say they want a woman who’s beautiful inside and out, can cook, is independent and not jealous. This all sounds good in theory right? However, we all know that often times the people making check lists seldom have the same positive attributes to check off when they look in the mirror. It’s the same scenario as a personal trainer that whips all their clients into shape, but looks like they’ve never step foot into a gym. Or the hairdresser that’s so popular she’s overbooked with appointments, but her own hair looks a mess. Or the basketball coach who can barely make a free throw. It may sound harsh but it’s true. If you don’t believe you fall victim to it, let me explain a few reasons why you do (even if you don’t know it)….

The first example of the relationship check list is pretty self explanatory, so let’s take a look at the personal trainer example. There are 2 trainers in a room. One is visibly in shape (although his/her fitness level stops at what the eye can see…it’s called good genes, lol). The other is not so visibly in shape, largely due to multiple cheat meals at Buffalo Wild Wings whenever there’s a good sports game on. The kicker is that the latter trainer actually delivers better results, but at face value, who would you pick? More than likely the first trainer. Not because they are actually better, but because they look the part. People will seldom take a risk beyond what their naked eyes can see. Sometimes we wonder why we don’t get the recognition we think we deserve for what we are passionate in or even just get paid to do. It could simply just be a matter of buy in. You are your own product, just like a pair of Nike’s, a popular restaurant or a CD on the rack. What is it about you that will make others “purchase you” over someone else? It’s amazing what a few minor (and major) tweaks can do to change your own perspective and how others perceive you.

This is not a put down on the way anyone operates or presents themselves on a day to day basis. I’ve just seen and talked about so many of these examples discussed here, that it was only fitting to blog about it today. Ironically, I do believe there are some types of people that are exceptions to the rule…let’s take a look at a medical doctor. Sure, we may have a certain picture in our heads of how a doctor should look. But what trumps our carnal view is their patients’ success rates. That really speaks volumes much louder than a clean shaven look, a winning smile and a warm touch could ever do. But that’s another blog for another day. Today, and every day, let’s imagine ourselves being on a shelf with other artists, teachers,  managers, etc. The consumer has free range to pick anyone up, but can only use the packaging labels that are presented. Who will they pick up and why? Would you buy you off the rack?

Mariah Carey Nicki Minaj